Deschooling is the process of recovering from traditional schooling. It allows kids to rediscover their natural curiosity and learn at their own pace after leaving a structured school environment.
A survey of 232 unschooling families by Boston College researcher Peter Gray found that 83% of grown unschoolers pursued higher education, and the majority reported that the self-direction they developed as children was a significant advantage in college and careers (Gray & Riley, 2015). Research from the National Home Education Research Institute (NHERI) shows that homeschooled students typically score 15 to 25 percentile points higher than public school students on standardized academic achievement tests.
What is deschooling?
Deschooling isn’t just sitting around doing nothing. It’s a way for kids to bounce back from school. When children go to school, they pick up habits like waiting for orders, needing praise, and thinking learning only happens through assignments. It takes time for these habits to fade. Deschooling gives kids the chance to let their natural curiosity come back.
For kids, deschooling means:
- Recovering from stress and burnout
- Learning to manage their own time
- Reconnecting with what motivates them
- Learning to self-regulate without strict schedules
For parents, it means:
- Letting go of control over what kids should learn
- Unlearning strict grade-level expectations
- Trusting in child-led learning
- Reflecting on their own school experiences and beliefs about education.
How long does deschooling take?
A common guideline is about one month of deschooling for every year of school. So, if your child was in school until sixth grade, they might need six months or more to feel comfortable with unschooling.
But remember, this is just a guideline. Some kids adjust quickly, while others may take longer. Factors that affect this include:
- School Experience: Kids who had tough times in school may need more time to relax.
- Age: Older kids have more habits to unlearn, especially teens who cling to school success metrics.
- Personality: Some kids adapt fast; others need more time. Respect their pace.
- Parental Readiness: If you’re nervous about unschooling, your child will sense it. Your confidence helps them transition.
- Family Environment: A home filled with resources and supportive adults helps kids adjust faster.
Signs of deschooling progress
You’ll notice signs that deschooling is working:
- Kids stop asking, 'What am I supposed to do today?' and start finding activities on their own.
- New interests pop up. Hobbies and projects that weren’t part of school come to life.
- Kids manage their own time better without constant complaints about boredom.
- Their questions shift from 'Will this be on the test?' to genuine curiosity.
- Stress levels drop. Physical symptoms like headaches and sleep issues often improve.
- Family relationships get better as conflicts over schoolwork disappear.
What to expect during deschooling
During deschooling, you might feel like nothing is happening educationally—and that’s okay. Common experiences include:
- Screen Time: Kids may binge on activities they were restricted from. This usually balances out over time.
- Boredom: Kids used to structured schedules may not know how to fill their time. Boredom can lead to creativity, so don't rush to fill it.
- Sleep Changes: Kids may sleep in or stay up late as they adjust to a new routine. They need rest after years of early starts.
- Resistance to 'Educational' Activities: Kids might reject anything that feels like school. Respect their choices; forcing enthusiasm doesn’t work.
- Testing Boundaries: Kids will see how real this freedom is. Stay consistent with your responses to build trust.
Parental deschooling
Parents often need deschooling even more than kids. We’ve picked up many beliefs about education that can get in the way of trusting unschooling.
Common struggles include:
- Worrying that kids will 'fall behind'
- Feeling uneasy about unstructured time
- Anxiety about explaining choices to others
- Guilt over not doing 'enough'
- A need to test or measure progress
- Difficulty trusting kids' decisions.
To help, parents can:
- Read about unschooling and self-directed learning.
- Connect with families who have experience.
- Reflect on their school experiences and how they affect their views.
- Notice when school-like thoughts pop up and question them.
- Practice trusting little things first before bigger ones.
- Join kids in learning and exploring.
Supporting children through deschooling
During deschooling, you’ll want to step back from structured lessons, but that doesn’t mean disappearing:
- Be Present: Spend quality time with your kids. Play games, talk, and go places together. Your presence supports their transition.
- Provide Resources: Keep books, art supplies, and materials available. You’re not expecting them to use them right away, but they matter when interests spark.
- Avoid Criticism: If they want to watch YouTube all day, don’t judge them. Your disapproval recreates school dynamics.
- Share Your Interests: Show kids what you love doing. This models engaging with the world.
- Answer Questions Honestly: When they ask things, engage. This is learning happening—don’t dismiss it just because it doesn’t look like school.
- Keep Family Expectations: Deschooling doesn’t mean no rules. Basic household responsibilities and family connections remain.
When deschooling feels too long
Sometimes, it may seem like deschooling is taking forever. Here’s how to tell if you’re still in deschooling or if something else is going on:
- Check Your Practices: Are you still giving assignments? If you’re using school-like methods, then deschooling can’t finish.
- Examine Your Anxiety: Are you worried about the lack of academic activity? This might be normal for the transition, and your stress could be extending it.
- Look at Overall Wellbeing: Is your child happy and curious about anything? If they are, the timeline might just be longer than you thought.
- Watch for Other Issues: Things like anxiety, depression, or family stress can mimic extended deschooling. If concerned, seek help.
- Connect with Others: Experienced unschoolers can help you understand what’s normal and what’s not.
Next steps
Deschooling is a crucial step before unschooling can happen. This transition period helps kids shed school conditioning and rediscover their love for learning. Both kids and parents need this time. Kids recoup from school’s effects and relearn how to lead their own education. Parents must let go of control, build trust, and reflect on their educational beliefs.
This process can feel uncomfortable. Watching kids do 'nothing educational' can trigger anxiety. But trust that this period is productive—it's clearing the way for real, self-directed learning to flourish. Support your kids without directing them. Give everyone, including yourself, the time they need for this transformation.
